Raja Nazrin, the Only Malaysian Man With Balls

The Raja Muda (Crown Prince) of Perak, Raja Nazrin, is due to be married to Zara Salim Davidson. The occasion of this wedding has thus become the perfect occasion to highlight a glaring problem with our country — the fact that Raja Nazrin is the only man in the public life of our country to have any cojones.

Consider any male member of the establishment. How many do you think dare take on the status quo? How many put our country and society above their own personal self-interest?

You may stumble across a few minor and largely unknown figures with such track records — Shahrir Abdul Samad, who quit his post as chairman of the Backbenchers Club in Parliament after being banned from voting his conscience, is one of them.

But the men who loom large over the landscape of our country just don't have the balls that it takes to run this country. We have a Prime Minister who falls asleep at public functions, and his predecessor is an old man who promised to stop criticising the government if only it built his cronies' pet project — a crooked bridge across the Tebrau Straits.

Raja Nazrin, though, is one heck of a man. There aren't many people in the world who hold degrees from both Oxbridge and Ivy League institutions, for one thing.

The fact that Raja Nazrin, despite his royal pedigree, despite his family's immense wealth, despite the fact that he doesn't have to give a damn about anyone or anything, much like the royal families of most other states, actually cares about our country, and cares enough to criticise the established status quo, should tell you something about the size of this prince's balls.

Earlier this year, there was that impassioned speech he made at the Bar Council, insisting that all Malaysians have a place in Malaysia — subtly rebuking those who continue to refer to certain Malaysians as pendatang asing and penumpang.

That it took the scion of a Malay royal house, as opposed to a public official elected by the Malaysian people, to speak out for all Malaysians, should tell you something about the castrati we have running this country.

Now, despite having every right to it, Raja Nazrin has refused public funding for his wedding. Instead, he will be personally paying for it out of his own pockets — including a feast for 5,000 commoners.

Moreover, Raja Nazrin has set an incredible first in the history of Malaysian macho men. You might have heard that you can tell how secure a man's masculinity is by how obsessed he is with defending it. The more a fellow trumpets how his schlong is larger than anyone else's, the smaller his genitalia actually are.

Judging by how many advertisements our public figures have to put out every time they receive a recognition for their penis size — be it a Datukship, an ISO status, a new wife, hell, even just showing up at a ceremony to cut a ribbon — we have a country run by men whose reproductive organs, if they exist at all, are so tiny as to require a microscope to view them.

Raja Nazrin, however, has insisted that not a single person or organisation issue an advertisement in the papers congratulating him on his marriage. Instead, he has requested that money which would be allocated for this purpose be donated to a charity.

Those are some balls! Raja Nazrin could easily have kept silent about this issue, even if he didn't appreciate the feckless ass-kissing displayed in these advertisements — but he opened his mouth.

This is the kind of man we need in our public life. This is the kind of man we need running our country. This is the kind of man we need sitting on our throne.

It's no surprise that Perak has produced royalty of such calibre. After all, their elective monarchical system means that you have to earn your right to the throne, rather than inherit it.

In other words, it's probably easier to become Prime Minister of Malaysia than to become the Crown Prince of Perak (which basically assures you of becoming Sultan of Perak, and possibly even the Yang di-Pertuan Agong of Malaysia).

After all, if you want to be PM, all you need are a liberal arts degree from some local university, the right connections, the patience to tunggu giliran in the civil service's seniority system, and perhaps a little apple-polishing for the right people — and voila, you are the Prime Minister of Malayxia.

If you want to be Crown Prince of Perak, you need a bachelor's degree from Oxbridge and a PhD from Harvard, followed by extensive contributions to your society and country. You can't just be lucky and get born into the office of Raja Muda — you have to earn it.

And that is why Raja Nazrin has more balls than any other man in Malaysian public life — if there are any other men at all who even have balls. Congratulations on your marriage, Raja Nazrin. You are one man who has earned his right to marry a beautiful woman and rule a beautiful state.